It's A Wonderful Life
by yayme2012
Summary: Songfic Bella visits Jacob's grave. PostEclipse. ExB Some fluff, much angst...


_**A/N: Hey. This songfic is to It's A Wonderful Life by Gwen Stefani. I don't know why, but this song reminded me of the Twilight series, and I got the idea of writing a songfic for it. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Read and review.**_

_**Oh btw, I have a love/hate relationship with Jacob. Love him to death, but hate him so much that to get stress out, I write fanfics where he dies. Haha. I feel like a loser now.**_

It's A Wonderful Life

Edward pulled into the parking lot and sat still, his topaz eyes staring straight ahead. He still took my breath away, even though I had been part of his family for years and years now. My expression mirrored his, and after a while of sitting, he spoke.

"Are you going to go in?"

I hesitated. He wasn't happy with me coming here. I wasn't sure if even I was, but I knew I had to. I at least owed it to Jacob, after all he did for me.

Avoiding his eyes, I stepped gracefully stepped out of the Volvo and walked steadily towards the cemetery.

_I haven't thought of you  
For years you know  
Your memory seems to come and go  
Our time meant so much to me  
Now you can't be found  
_

My eyes teared up, not literally of course. Alice had told me about it only yesterday; she didn't see him jump, of course; she couldn't see werewolves in her visions. She merely saw Charlie receiving the news on the phone.

I really hadn't thought of him for years. I did have an excuse- the memories faded after the change. Edward said even my few memories of my human life would disappear. I was lucky I had him to help me remember.

I still felt guilty for forgetting Jake, for never letting him now that I was changed, I was happy.

I could see Edward watching me from the corner of my eye; I could see he was worried. I entered the cemetery, making no sound as I moved through the grass.

_  
You were the first to want me  
The first to love me  
The first to need me  
Who was the last to know you  
The last to love you  
The last to hold you  
_

I also felt guilty for not ever checking up on him. I knew my choice of Edward would kill him, but I never knew he would take it so hard. Was it because of me? Did he find anyone else special? Was it really a jump, or just a fall? I may never know.

_  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Such a wonderful, wonderful life  
_

I had made my life with Edward now. Our wedding was perfect, of course rather annoying due to Alice's insistence of me being in the spotlight; "It is your wedding after all!" was her defense. And the change- I shuddered. It was dulled by morphine, but I still couldn't think of words to put to the pain. I don't even want to think of what the rest of my family had to go through.

_  
I thought of you again today  
Reminding me how our time have changed  
If you only knew what you gave to me  
Now you can't be found  
_

Billy hadn't invited me to the funeral. I could understand the reasons why he blamed me. I blamed myself too. I could have always listened from a distance, considering our super hearing, but it felt disrespectful to Jake.

I never did get to thank him. If it wasn't for him I would have died during the long months when Edward was gone.

_  
And you were the first I trusted  
I learned what love is  
When we were just kids  
When did you kiss the last time  
How could you think you'd be better off  
_

_I trusted him with the motorcycles_, I thought to myself. _Then again_, I argued with myself, _he turned me in to Charlie_. _He was doing it for my own good_, I countered. I could go on like this all day. And Edward thinks he's the crazy one, hearing voices.

We were just kids when I knew him. I felt totally innocent. I didn't even know when I fell in love with him! I sighed in regret, and walked on.

_  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Why'd you have to say goodbye  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Such a wonderful, wonderful life_

Thank you for those special moments  
You will always be here, in my mind  
And did you know you changed my life  
I'm thankful for that time  
I'm thankful for that time  
I'm thankful for that time  


Jake taught me so much… about love, and life, and cars, and um… I can't even remember. My eyes started tearing up again. Stupid emotions.

I had already reached the grave. I thought that when I came to it, I would be shocked, or relieved, or…something. I just felt numb, and kind of hollow. It was just a slab of rock, with the words _Jacob Black_ and the dates. This felt like it had nothing to do with him, like it belonged to a different place, a different time, a different person.

_  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Why'd you have to say goodbye  
It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
I'm asking why but I'll never know_

As I reached up to brush a nonexistent tear away, I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. My nose burned. Uh oh. Werewolves.

I could make out a few of the forms stiffen, and suddenly vibrate. If they phased, Edward and I would be in big trouble, considering there was two of us and, what, eight of them. We had broken the treaty through my change. I hoped they didn't use as an excuse to fight us; it had happened years ago.

I saw one raise a hand to calm the others, and give a small half wave. He held out a five to show that he could keep the pack restrained for five minutes. _Thank God for Sam_, I thought, and ran out of there as fast as I could.

When I reached the car, I jumped in and Edward drove the car as fast as he could. He needed no explanation as he could read the werewolves' minds. After we got far enough away he slowed down to 100 mph to cruise- if "slow" and "100 mph" could be used in the same sentence. He stared long and hard at me, trying to figure out what you say to your wife after she goes to visit a dead werewolf and gets chased off by other werewolves. Edward settled on "Sorry."

"Don't be." I sighed and leaned back in the seat

His eyes narrowed. "I should never have let you come here."

"I needed to."

"Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't."

"Could you just do me a favor?"

"Depends."

"I knew you would say that," I paused, and continued. "What were they thinking? What happened with Jake and all."

He hardened. "Not that. It will just upset you further."

"I need to know." My grip on the armrest tightened. It was in danger of snapping off, so I loosened my hand and focused on keeping my voice centered. "What is it, Edward?"

He stared out the window. The speed steadily climbed to 150 mph.

_It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Why'd you have to say goodbye  
_

"What is it, Edward?! I need to know, dammit!" I was growing hysterical.

"They thought it was your fault, okay! They thought that if you hadn't left, Jake would have been fine! They thought you were a filthy bloodsucker and they had all these ideas of killing you!" he exploded in rage.

He pulled over and I started sobbing. Edward looked concerned and started trying to comfort me.

"It's not what you said, it's what they thought. It's what's true. If I hadn't left-" I tried to explain unsuccessfully.

"Bella, love, it's not your fault. He asked you to make a choice, and you made it… if he couldn't deal with it, that's his problem," he said soothingly.

"You don't understand! Because of me, he's dead! Dead! Dead! Oh my god," a thought suddenly occurred to me, "I killed Jake! I killed him! Oh my god." I was hyperventilating now, never mind the fact that vampires didn't have to breathe.

_It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Such a wonderful, wonderful life_

I was sobbing now. Edward sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to figure out a way to calm me down.

"Darling, they don't even know he killed himself. All we know is that he's gone. It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything, okay. Don't blame yourself."

Despite Edward's assurances, I still felt bad.

"Could you do one more thing for me?" I pleaded.

"Depends."

"Does Billy blame me?"

A long pause strained my patience. "No."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

He eased the car back onto the highway and sped up. I kept my eyes on the road and my thoughts off Jacob. I pretended to look relieved. Neither of us had to say anything further.

He knew I knew he was lying._  
_

_It's a wonderful, wonderful life  
Such a wonderful, wonderful life_

_**A/N: Like it love it hate it? R/R!**_

_**Originally she was just going to visit the grave, get sad, and leave, but I liked the werewolf part better…**_

_**Got to go write more Twilight fics!**_


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